Wake up Call

I read this again today for some reason and it took me out.

I walk away from a day at work complaining about notes, expectations, and being screamed at and kicked, and ignored, and told that I am hated,and wondering whether I'm making things better or worse, and going in and out of quasi-clinical, spiritual, theoretical, fun, and just trying not to kill them modes, but then as I'm walking away from the House I get to see a smile and feel a hug and hear something in their voice that makes me wonder who I ever thought I was. And I come back the next day looking forward to the same thing in the morning. Every once in awhile a smile like that takes me by surprise in my most tired, frustrated, and overwhelming days and enhances the ones I'm already feeling good about.

That is here.

The last line is simple, but crushes me. I guess what I have to say about it is the same thing I wrote before, just a different day. Because like a reflex I think of Alex and I'm torn. I think about him, but haven't thought of him as a reality in awhile. I've walked into my apartment right past that device I've been trying so hard to get my hands on but still haven't raised the money for yet and this was a bit of a slap in the face. So I guess thank you. This reminds me what's important to me. The flame hasn't put me to sleep yet, but God knows I've been close.

And so I say to Robby, "What are you really doing right now?"