The last two days have been kind of a blur. I'm kind of glad I have this blog to make some kind of order of them. They're not a blur, because so much has happened, more because of my state of mind. I've been sleeping a lot at weird times and I can see how this internet stuff could be a way to escape the discomfort that comes from being bombarded with different stimuli.

I went wandering Wednesday. I didn't get too far. I got some magic pizza finally. It was delicious. Just how I remembered it. I started walking. I passed the Teatrul National, took some pictures, stopped by the bookstore there to see if there were any particularly interesting children's books. Found a cool dictionary completely made up of phrases. I panned through a few. There sure are a lot of ways to say that someone is a little off in both our languages. As I stepped out of the bookstore I saw two 20 somethings in white shirts. I stalked them past the langosi stand and down the stairs toward the villa. Like literally 3 feet behind them most of the way. In Romanian, I asked them if they were mormons. They have a new word for elder on their nametags, and I asked them what that means. They asked me where I lived and I said seattle. Uh oops. They told me they were going to give one of the sisters a blessing at the Villa. They didn't seem to want any help so I went back to get a Langosi. Then I walked past the orphanage in hopes of glimpsing one of my kids. Part of me was hoping to see Mihai outside with a minga, but until writing this I didn't realize how impossible that would be. I started walking and I was like, I wanna see the villa, plus didn't I run into these guys for a reason? I went and asked them if they knew where a hardware store was. They told me. I was kind of expecting this little place that Andrew and I went to last time I was here. I called Radu on my way over there; he told me about outreach that night.

I went down to the hardware store. They have a new place called Prakteker which is exactly like home depot. It was kind of a mind warping experiencing being inside this place. Me and Andrew were wishing for a place like this when we were trying to get stuff done for Alex. Anyway, it's just past Iulius mall and it was HUGE. I got a shower curtain for the girls' apartment across the hall and by shower curtain I mean a set of tubes that wrap around the tub which you secure to the wall with provided holds and one, which you hang from the ceiling. I got a pink one. I walked home with enough time to see if the thing would work and grab a drink of water and a couple twizzlers from my 2 lb bag (for emergencies).

I got my camera stolen at outreach. When you get stuff stolen here, it is your fault. It's kind of like letting your guard down in a fight, but when you first get here you sometimes forget that you're in the fight. Later on it becomes second nature. That is one of the first lessons you should learn. I learned it a long time ago and again in the prep class; I'm not stupid, but sometimes I do stupid things. Forest Gump's mom can (insert obscene idiom that communicates that I don't respect her opinion). At any rate, the second I realized it was stolen I had a flashback to the prep course where Holly said, "Don't bring your laptops or cameras to outreach... cameras to outreach... to outreach... outreach... reach... each... ch." Yeah, just like that. So I won't be posting pictures or vids on here for awhile.

I started telling everybody at outreach, not really wanting to accuse them. I wasn't really. I was just in WTF mode. I wasn't mad for very long and I wasn't surprised for very long either. I was just like dang, there's some important things on there. Well the most important was a video Robert recorded for me telling me he was gonna miss me. Robert's a guy I take care of who has become a really trusted friend. Other than that, outreach was really fun. I got to hang out with Radu and Andreea and saw some people I hadn't seen in a long time... and play cards and ping pong with them.

On the way home, one of the sisters who is pretty tight with this kid Iulian (who is known for stealing crap) confronted him about it. I kept walking. What was I gonna do, kick his ass? I really appreciated that gesture though. The sister was from Brasov and her companion was polynesian. They could definitely hold their own here, which I've heard is one of the most dangerous areas in the mission for sisters.

More about the missionaries. Every single one of them out here has met me before, except the one from Brasov (and come to think of it, she probably has too when I was here before). One of em taught me when I used to go to the MTC with Dorothy. One of them I met on a plane from Seattle to Utah, and the others all taught me in the MTC, some even very recently. I was thinking back, trying to remember if I had been an impatient jerk with any of them. One of them said it would have been a service if I had, because it's a lot more like the field.

That night I took a sleeping pill. I don't know if it's being used to the tour or the excitement, or the heat, or jetlag, but I'm having trouble getting more than 4 hours or so of sleep at a time. I'm pretty overly affected by medicine. I slept till like 130 or 2. No crap. That was today. I can't believe that I'm in Iasi with some of my last time to be alone and wander on my own and I'm sleeping so much during the time I can do that. I tried cooking for the first time here. I made some oatmeal someone left in the other apartment and WaaaaaaaaaAAAAaaay too much pasta. Pasta gets bigger when you cook it and when you don't think straight. Mario came over to get the money so we can get into the orphanage earlier. She complimented me on my Romanian again and told me in effect that I should know better than to get my camera stolen. Exactly.

I went out for non alcoholic drinks with Stefana. It's not a date (Holly and Ashley), because she's engaged woo hoo! She'd just been around the country with him and we got caught up on each other's lives and I gave her a Huxley book that she had requested. It felt good to be out of the house and with someone I know. I don't realize how much I need social interaction, especially since a lot of times I really enjoy being on my own. Like yesterday I called Mario from the hardware store to confirm my shower curtain purchase after being alone all day and she was like why are you asking me this? If you need it you should buy it. Do you need my help, we can go tomorrow if you want? Then I just said without realizing it, "Yeah I guess I don't. I think I just needed someone to talk to." I suppose communicating emotional vulnerability isn't the best way to convince Mario that I'm a good facilitator, but I guess I was kind of lonely.

Iasi has a different feel when you're on your own. It's a little more exciting and fun in some ways and a little more overwhelming without the buffer of the group. I can get around a little better than I used to. I'm a little more aware of what's going on. It's less fantasy, but more beautiful.

Getting there...

Last couple days went pretty fast or slow or what day is it? David took me to the airport at 6:15. Everything went pretty smoothly. We had a good talk. My baggage was 1lb under for one bag and 3lbs under for the other. Yeah... it was (cocky face). At the check in desk I looked over to my right and who should I see, but my bishop. I love my bishop. Such a wise and loving guy. He took me in and bought me breakfast (no vegimite sandwiches). He asked me if I believed that there's no such thing as coincidences. I told him I wanted to believe that. He explained it like typing on a typewriter: you know what's going to happen when you press the keys a certain way. And he said that's how God works. I struggled to keep from shouting my doubts in relation to that line of thought.

It seems at first glance like something we tell ourselves to keep from facing our poor choices and owning our experiences. I do believe however that it is written for Him and not for us. The mystical wild card aspect of human choice is merely a system of underlying processes which we do not consider, but follow silently. It is supremely difficult to calculate those processes. We can't list them all, let alone measure them. Social sciences approach these, but cannot have the audacity to claim even a minute handle on this understanding.

We play with plastic stethescopes and then ask if we can help in the operating room. But we do some useful things still.

I finally heard the words to this song that illustrates what a jerk I was a year or so ago. It was alluded to, but I never heard it till now. Ouch. And at the same time more stuff made sense. I felt like apologizing again and maybe I'll get to some day.




I watched two movies on the flight. I had an interesting problem solving activity where I tried several different interpretations of the fetal position across two seats during my 9 hour flight to Vienna. So the movies were Dan in Real Life and 21. Both movies tried to wow you with poignancy (thanks Joseph Smith) with their final lines.

Dan in Real Life: Tell your children to plan to be surprised.
21: Always account for variable change.

That's a big part of the Romania experience. I don't say I respect the opinion of Hollywood writers more than priesthood leaders, but I'ma get truth where I can.

It was so good to see Mario. She is fantastic and so helpful. I wish I had slept more, so that I could have been more enthused looking. She said she was afraid when she heard I was going to be facilitating. I laughed. I told her I would have been too. Then I pwned her opinion with my Romanian skills (sort of?). In the taxi she told me Alex is going to be so happy to see me. That made me feel like a trillion old Lei (roughly 41 million dollars). And the tired me said, "That makes me feel so happy... That makes me feel so happy."

My apartment is great. Seriously, so blessed.



We went to Hala centrala (I'm super happy to see all these places. I was just grinning hysterically as we went around this place). I saw magic pizza and got a big smile. "I'll get some after I buy my essentials and take them home," I thought. I knew I was in trouble and needed to sleep, because I spent what felt like 10 minutes deciding what brand of water I should get and another 10 or 15 on shampoo and deodorant. I decided not to buy food yet, because it was too complicated for my simple intellect at this point, I would probably go caveman and club a streetdog or something. I also saw the coveted Joe's for which I have been approached by several people with requests to smuggle for them.

I bought minutes for the cell phone and this girl didn't speak english and I thought my Romanian was passable, but checking cell phone minutes vocab is not in my quiver so we ended up awkwardly stepping through the transaction. It didn't help that she didn't actually know how to do what I was asking her to show me. It also didn't help that I was probably legally drunk from sleep dep. I still got a wake up call on how much language work I need.

I came home and put my stuff away. I went to the other apartment to look for a gluestick and saw the kids records. I ended up spending about 2.5 hours pouring over them. I fell asleep doing this at what I'm guessing was about 4PM or so. I woke up and it was dark. I found the internet and was stoked to get a hold of Holly through google chat. That brings us up to speed. They won't all be this long.

Tomorrow I go explore.

Why I Love Kung Fu Panda

Some things don't fit right till later.

Two days before I leave. Thought I would write something pretentious or some word that describes when you think "so what?" in your mind- to get back in the habit of writing daily. Yesterday was a pretty good day, though a bit uneasy. I was not excited to go to J-dogs with Luke and his friend, but I was their ride so I was there for however much time they needed. I was even less excited when it turned into another shameless self-promoting networking exercise with a local rapper and his manager. I was aloof and more interested in my spinach, sausage, and bacon pizza and the prospect of free refills of apple beer. I should have gotten artichoke hearts instead of bacon, but sometimes we learn the hard way.

I was pleasantly surprised when the manager heard me mention Romania in passing (more as an explanation why I would not be riding the ivy league train). He seemed interested in a different way; like he'd been there before. I asked and he told me that he had been a member of the Young Ambassadors and had gone to Bucharest and several other cities. He talked about how they would not let him go to sleep; they asked so many questions and were so excited to have them there. I told him about the book Come Lord Come. I told him that some of the first members of the church in Romania found out about it through that program. He gave me the advice to bless everything I touched in Romania. Bless the people, bless the buildings, bless the land, he said. Use your priesthood. Be a righteous influence. It was a sobering message, which will be difficult to fulfill. I love those people and want to do good. I sometimes fear my low energy levels and moods. They can make my best intentions into dreams and that hurts sometimes.

Today I talked with Rachel Montgomery online and she told me she had a great uncle who was the one mentioned in the book who received the flowers in that group. She said it helped her realize that it wasn't an accident that she is going to Romania. It wasn't an accident for me either, but sometimes I wonder why. I kind of believe you make the reasons things aren't accidents in a lot of cases. It's hard to tell sometimes what part of God's hand you're supposed to attribute to some situations. His hand is in everything, but every decision you make is not a manifestation of divine providence in my opinion. But then again, who am I? To give an ultimate purpose for experiences in your life is a bit like telling the score before the end of the game. We weave a tapestry that we leave here for others to sort out. What does it do for me to sort it out other than to give me a temporary peace of mind. If I could keep a straight face when I know there's all kinds of tangles and loose ends then I could lead a perfectly happy life.

That's kind of been the pain associated with the mission, and my previous experiences in Romania. When I left, I knew a little more of what I touched was incomplete. That it would never be the way I really wanted it to be until the prophecies of children dancing in the street and barren women raising their long yearned for babies were fulfilled. But I tried. Like the Janice Kapp Perry tune, I was trying to be like Jesus. In a rudimentary and probably cute to Him way. I got angry at the hospital system. Why won't you operate on my child? Why won't you give her a cast like she needs? I got angry at racist bishops. What does it matter who I teach and baptize? I got angry at the orphanage. Why won't you hold them? Why do you need to hit them and yell at them? I fought for my babies. Sometimes I lost. Sometimes there was only a fight in my mind that I misunderstood. I gave what love I had whether it was felt or not. I imagined Him chuckling at some of my misled frustrations and expectations. Sometimes I suppose He was disappointed when I took myself out of the river to say, "I can't do this, I'm exhausted, what about me? Am I even doing this right!" To say I was exhausted is an exaggeration, sometimes I probably just felt homesick for my do nothing habits. Sometimes I probably wanted to be more than I really was or should have been.

You have to be OK with the outcome not going your way, and maybe even never really knowing how it is supposed to go. But if it does go as you consider it, well, it is best to believe it and enjoy it (and by you, I mean me). I didn't have that perspective before. The learning curve for that one is steep. A peace without resignation of hope is a difficult trick for me. Sometimes I need someone to tell me I'm going the right way. God is more robust than I have ever imagined though.

I played a show. I don't get the same meaning out of anything like that and it's not worth writing about at this point, other than to say that feeling on stage is a different high than doing things of worth.

Right now I'm probably romanticizing the experience a bit in anticipation, but those feelings come back in the stories like the perfume of your first girlfriend or the strangely comfortable cold hugs of your mom coming home in the winter. There's just a lot of loud noise that begs you to forget the good things in life.

Getting Ready, Getting Stoked

Well I have less than a week to pack up all my stuff and move it to undisclosed locations around the valley. Anybody that knows me beyond a superficial, "What's up Bro!?" is probably aware of how destructive packing is to my very being (knife slowly twist) *red*, especially when it's on a massive scale like this. I'm trying to finish up as much school stuff as possible before I leave so that I won't be as stressed with the other stresses I'm concerned about. And when I say trying to finish up school stuff I mean working on stuff in short bursts while intermittently pulling out my hair and screaming in tongues to the Lord to make it stop. I wish I could make this as funny as the seriously so blessed blog, or Bob Loblaw's Law Blog (Bob Loblaw no habla espanol). Hopefully it won't be that bitter, but you never know when it comes to culture shock. The thing is I probably will be writing about how I am really being blessed during this trip (seriously), so yeah. Also stoked, because the group I'm going with is obviously filled with great people who I respect and hope to become better friends with.

On another note, I just got back from touring the West Coast with a band I could care less about (not as people, just musically) and I have a wicked Nordic Beard and a new appreciation for live underground hip-hop. I got to see my family and show my dad I haven't been completely wasting my time playing bass. I also got to play with 3 of the best musicians I've ever been privileged to play with. And I got to see parts of California that I've never seen.

I'm proud of Stephanie for her strong missionary spirit in Kenya. She's going to be a fireball wherever she goes in January. Suitors, stay away from her, or I will dismember you. I'm also really proud of Allison for her work with the cancer camp. She is a soldier!

OK you really don't have to start reading this till I get to Romania. I will post pictures and silly stuff as much as possible.

So Blessed!