Sometimes it feels like I am very lucky to be working with these kids. Other times it feels like a strange consolation and an imitation of family life that I see in my friends' lives. One that perhaps I am not prepared to consistently handle. Other times I feel I've had enough practice and that I'm turning into an old man. At all angles, I am gaining experience that helps me become a better father or father figure to someone. I also get to make detailed observations of systemic issues within families with acute symptoms, and that will prepare me for my career. Having the trust of children is a joy I can't describe. And at the end of the day I am happier for having spent my time with children who need attention and guidance. And that is very fulfilling.
Today I feel a bit deflated. I feel a bit irritable and incompetent, but renewed in spirit. Only partially though. Last week I had something else shining in me and today it feels a little dull. Maybe I'm just tired or hot, or too focused on me. That's probably what it is. I'm a little bit afraid of what comes next in my life, though I have a pretty definite plan now (sort of). My head hurts and I can't pay much attention to anything today. But I'm faintly grateful for a lot of people and a lot of things. Things as they really are.
Today I feel a bit deflated. I feel a bit irritable and incompetent, but renewed in spirit. Only partially though. Last week I had something else shining in me and today it feels a little dull. Maybe I'm just tired or hot, or too focused on me. That's probably what it is. I'm a little bit afraid of what comes next in my life, though I have a pretty definite plan now (sort of). My head hurts and I can't pay much attention to anything today. But I'm faintly grateful for a lot of people and a lot of things. Things as they really are.
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