I haven't really felt like writing for awhile. I liked being in Budapest. I wish I hadn't gotten sick. I'm still recovering a little bit from the whole thing. I've been feeling like writing these things is reaching into my laundry bag and realizing there's nothing in there; it's just been folded and lumpy. There are a few experiences now and then that I learn, but now and then I'm ashamed of putting something on here even I can throw stones at.
I'm also a little guilty, because every minute I write on here is another minute I should be working on doing a reading response or another paper or working on a speech board. So I play launch the hedgehog into space so I don't have to think about any of those things. At least I'm honest right? It's mostly, because thinking rationally or critically isn't required by the task of launching hedgehogs into space. I can't BS my school work. I really really REALLY want to, because I've been doing this class for so long. And I thoroughly enjoy the stuff I'm learning and the subject matter is directly applicable to my experience here. I've just been disengaging. Maybe I'm just lazy or maybe I'm trying not to get hurt. Once I got told I have Gilbert's syndrome which basically means that you're stupid and lazy when you're sick. I think I might have started the pneumonia path though because I just started coughing tonight and it's ugly.
I miss Alex.
There. Said it.
Scabies---->Budapest----->Whatever this is
I haven't wanted to write one of these for fear of being a major bummer, but usually writing helps me get from point A to point B-lessSSSed. Man I'm clever.
I think tomorrow I'm going into work whether I'm sick or not. What's more selfish and inconsiderate, staying at home because you need to rest/quarantine or going to see the kids you love even though you might infect them with something (that they probably infected you with in the first place anyway, right?)?
You don't have to answer that.
Maybe I'm still reeling from my experience in the hostel. I don't know whether I helped a brother out or fed his paranoia, but I was pretty drained from talking someone through a bad trip. I worry and hope he's ok, but I have to be ok with not knowing what happened to him. He took off the next morning in a rage and left the staff a little bewildered. Maybe my sister will baptize him haha.
I finally finished my report about what happened with Katy in Bucharest. That's another ghost I can say goodbye to. I think it's difficult for me to be responsible again. In Budapest everything was up in the air, but I wasn't in charge. People did what they wanted. Now I need to do assessments of everyone in the group. "Halftime assessments." I have to grade them on things like attitude and obedience, and punctuality, and creativity and enthusiasm, self motivation, problem solving, adaptability. And not based on how I want them to be, but how I think they are doing. It's way past the halfway point too so this will be difficult. Again back to the stone throwing. Keep it profesh right?
I've been feeling a huge distance that perhaps I've created. I'm content to be alone working on this stuff and I'm caustic in this state. I got a powerful blessing from Rhett and the Elders though and that made me feel like I'd be ok. That doesn't have much to do with those assessments more the overall picture.
See how less interesting these blogs are without my kids to write about? I should sleep soon.
Universally and slightly detached love you for reading this.
P.S. I ate a whole package of bear meat...
I'm also a little guilty, because every minute I write on here is another minute I should be working on doing a reading response or another paper or working on a speech board. So I play launch the hedgehog into space so I don't have to think about any of those things. At least I'm honest right? It's mostly, because thinking rationally or critically isn't required by the task of launching hedgehogs into space. I can't BS my school work. I really really REALLY want to, because I've been doing this class for so long. And I thoroughly enjoy the stuff I'm learning and the subject matter is directly applicable to my experience here. I've just been disengaging. Maybe I'm just lazy or maybe I'm trying not to get hurt. Once I got told I have Gilbert's syndrome which basically means that you're stupid and lazy when you're sick. I think I might have started the pneumonia path though because I just started coughing tonight and it's ugly.
I miss Alex.
There. Said it.
Scabies---->Budapest----->Whatever this is
I haven't wanted to write one of these for fear of being a major bummer, but usually writing helps me get from point A to point B-lessSSSed. Man I'm clever.
I think tomorrow I'm going into work whether I'm sick or not. What's more selfish and inconsiderate, staying at home because you need to rest/quarantine or going to see the kids you love even though you might infect them with something (that they probably infected you with in the first place anyway, right?)?
You don't have to answer that.
Maybe I'm still reeling from my experience in the hostel. I don't know whether I helped a brother out or fed his paranoia, but I was pretty drained from talking someone through a bad trip. I worry and hope he's ok, but I have to be ok with not knowing what happened to him. He took off the next morning in a rage and left the staff a little bewildered. Maybe my sister will baptize him haha.
I finally finished my report about what happened with Katy in Bucharest. That's another ghost I can say goodbye to. I think it's difficult for me to be responsible again. In Budapest everything was up in the air, but I wasn't in charge. People did what they wanted. Now I need to do assessments of everyone in the group. "Halftime assessments." I have to grade them on things like attitude and obedience, and punctuality, and creativity and enthusiasm, self motivation, problem solving, adaptability. And not based on how I want them to be, but how I think they are doing. It's way past the halfway point too so this will be difficult. Again back to the stone throwing. Keep it profesh right?
I've been feeling a huge distance that perhaps I've created. I'm content to be alone working on this stuff and I'm caustic in this state. I got a powerful blessing from Rhett and the Elders though and that made me feel like I'd be ok. That doesn't have much to do with those assessments more the overall picture.
See how less interesting these blogs are without my kids to write about? I should sleep soon.
Universally and slightly detached love you for reading this.
P.S. I ate a whole package of bear meat...
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