C.S. Lewis stole my Blogger Password!

You have stood before some landscape, which seems to embody what you have been looking for all your life; and then turned to the friend at your side who appears to be seeing what you saw—but at the first words a gulf yawns between you, and you realise that this landscape means something totally different to him, that he is pursuing an alien vision and cares nothing for the ineffable suggestion by which you are transported . . . All the things that have deeply possessed your soul have been but hints of it—tantalising glimpses, promises never quite fulfilled, echoes that died away just as they caught your ear. But if it should really become manifest—if there ever came an echo that did not die away but swelled into the sound itself—you would know it. Beyond all possibility of doubt you would say 'Here at last is the thing I was made for.' We cannot tell each other about it. It is the secret signature of each soul, the incommunicable and unappeasable want . . . which we shall still desire on our deathbeds . . . Your place in heaven will seem to be made for you and you alone, because you were made for it—made for it stitch by stitch as a glove is made for a hand.

-C.S. Lewis from The Problem of Pain

Sometimes when I'm with Alex and laugh with him and watch him come alive and cheer with him, I get a glimpse of this and that's what is painful about walking home after everyone else; across the screaming street, through the muddy alley, up the breaking stairs, past the pleasant pastry stand, and up the busy sidewalk toward the mall and up the stairs to my 4th floor apartment, where I turn the key 3 times. Some of them see him succeed and do impressive new things. I see a glimpse of my place in heaven.

This is what I tried to write last Christmas about the "standing before some landscape" aspect of this. I hadn't read the quote before.

Content with Humble Admiration
(Dec 22 2007)

Plaster milky porcelain dream
It cracks in wind swept swells
From a privileged balcony, I take in an inch, a foot, a mile, a city
Two majestic pines rise to smell the clouds
And my hands take the sweet perfume
Hiding it in my lint scattered pockets
Like a secret music box, it sings to me when I'm away
To romanticize this place. It is though.
To me it's an oasis.
Though I try, it never becomes less breathtaking.
I can scan its promises for days.
Spoils of the sacrifices of a life of grinding focus.
A life I never earned
I play naively upon this floor.
Like the man who knows not God.
But I take the chorus with me.
I may never collect again.

The sigh I took when I walked back inside from that view from my
father's balcony is the same sigh I let out on that walk home.
Something just happened. I don't know what it is, but it was important,
and now a dull pain introduces itself as I must return to what is less
clear, but louder and anxiously repetitive.

And I wrote this in early November.

If I could forget me for that brief moment it could make a difference in them.
I wanted that desperately. I had to see it in them. I had to feel it in Him.

Not emotion. Confirmation. Assurance. Like a bulb which lights when the clean circuit is complete. It is fragile, but understood it is systematic. Not in a cold and lifeless way. On the contrary, this system brings life and warmth.

...They are systems that can only be truly integrated with each other. We reach up in hopes that we may fit, but fail to recognize that this is the only true fit and the only one that really matters. At times we shave parts of ourselves off or plaster and weld excess on so that we may more easily work in the places which accept us temporarily. Eventually we are left alone when these machines break down or become unsatisfied with us. At that point, we may regret what compromises we have made to our design. Though it is with relief and awe that we find our true integrative shape. And with great joy do we become one again.

2 Peter 2:3 John 14:6

I have since changed my mind about some of those statements. I believe there are connections we find temporarily, which bring us familiarity with that final glove. Sprinkling hints of what we really are. And while they touch us they can help us see clearer that part of us we love.

Eph. 1:13 D&C 88:3

For My Fridge Y'ALL!

This is a picture Alex drew for me today all by himself with Eagle Eyes Paint. We killed some Aliens for a little bit, but it was too easy for him. Really. There's these aliens that pop up and you kill them by just moving the cursor which is actually a crosshair on the game and it tells you how many you get and how quickly. The only time it didn't work is when he swung his head so wildly that the tracker that recognizes the inside of his eyebrow shifted to his ear or a stationary part of his wheelchair. I call it muci (boogers, as in aveti muci in ceai?), because it is a green box that goes somewhere on his head in the camera monitor. I hope that my description of the technology is sufficient. If you have questions leave comments?

I also got to hang a picture of us that we printed out by his bed. Teo took the picture we promise, there's no need to involve child protection services, I swear.

I went home so happy today. I felt so much love for Alex. I can't really write it right. So I won't. But it's there.

Went to the hospital and played with Alexandra. This time I pretended to swallow and spit back up every single object in or around her bed. She laughed hysterically each time. I thought it would get old, but that's 4/5 year olds right? She's a little stinker though. She went poop (sorry those who are deeply offended by this word) in her diaper and I had a nurse come help me change it, because it was way complicated with her cast on. During the changing process she started pooping again and laughing. And I was like "Hmmmm who does this remind me of...?"

I also had a pleasant surprise. I was leaving Alexandra's room to go to the store downstairs for some things and who should I hear calling me from behind but Florin! He was back in the Hospital since the day before. We obviously went down to eat pizza and beg for free stuff. We sat down and talked a little bit and then he sat down by two young men whom he seemed to know. I just kind of sat there dumb, but every once in awhile I reminded him we had to go back upstairs.

I was supposed to leave early to chaperone one of the girls home and I didn't have much time with Alexandra. I went back up and played with her for another 15 minutes or so then headed down to meet the girls. There are two probably about 10 year old boys on the 3rd floor which I passed each time a trip was mentioned in this narrative. They clinged to me and asked me where the girls were every time. It's more than a crush for them. But when you ask me the same questions over and over, it's more than annoying for me when I'm running out of time. The girl found someone else to go home with early so she could talk to her boyfriend and so I went back up to the 5th; I still had another 20-30 minutes or so. We played with one of those 3 lei mingea's and she kept asking me to wash it. I did once and then I realized it was a game so I pretended to eat it to change the subject.

Then the nurse came in. It was time for her to go get her cast off. The nurse brushed her hair with a comb gently and put a clip in her hair. The nurses on this floor were super 1337 and so it's really fun to be on this floor, because they are cooperative and friendly and incredibly kind to the children. I watched them take her out on a stretcher. The whole time she was asking the endless (And if you can picture the cutest little kid voice I've ever heard perfectly calm without crying or complaining, just questions that rise in tone at the end of every sentence), "Are you leaving? *The nurse answers that we are leaving* Where are we going? *The nurse answers, "down stairs"* Downstairs? *Yes to take off your cast* To take off my cast? *Yes* Where is that? *Downstairs* Where are you going? Why? Why? Hey what are you doing? Why? Why? Are we leaving?, etc." I finally had to say bye and she smiled and said bye. It was kind of like a resolution of the time I was like "Ho doctors better have my cast!" last time I was here.

We went out for Pizza tonight. Rhett, Michelle X 2, Chelsea, Alexis, Mary, and Rosi, and Monica (Mihai's sis). It was fun.

I found out later tonight that the software we've been waiting for was sent and delivered and is going to be coming with Ashley this weekend. This kind of struck a chord of resolution for me. I don't mean to dis these phrases, but I don't want to use them, because they make me feel like I'm in a seminary video, but they describe the situation a little: tender mercies, overwhelming feeling of gratitude, wave of comfort, o caldura in inima mea (the default phrase for whenever the missionaries asked me how I felt about something and I didn't know what to say "a warmth in my heart"). Maybe I didn't have as many as I thought. I felt sick with gratitude. Now I'm just getting sloppy tired.

I'm feeling a little 2 Nephi 33:6.

An Unexpected Friend

I need to do more homework and less blogging. Katie is home. That makes me happy and sad. Happy, because she is safe. Sad, because she added so much to our group and had a passion to do the work with a good attitude.

Today I had a sort of mind warp when I met a kid whose name I've heard mentioned, but never met. Her name is Alexandra. She is an orphan and very cute. She also knows how to work the system to her advantage. I've noticed a difference between those who have been able to get what they want and those who can't. They play the game. They have something that draws you. Since their lives are often so desperate, when they find the thing that is actually working to get what they want or desperately need, they press the button all day. Maybe it is a smile. Maybe it is their voice tone. Maybe it is a certain phrase that they say, or even a problem behavior like spitting or pinching. I've seen it work. It works on me. For some of them (Alex is probably one), it is the reason they are still alive or have the quality of life that they now enjoy. But they are in a sense caricatures. They have unique functions and attributes that emerge, but many of the ones that would allow them to integrate with a normative social environment atrophy and are all but dead, because within their environment, they are not stimulated or not necessary. Whether those things can be revived, let alone supported to a thriving vitality, is another discussion completely and I won't dwell any more on that subject. It saddens me and this is what we come to study here. That principle is the question that burns.

Alexandra had something that I couldn't quite put my finger on when she spoke her nonsense. It took me a minute to realize after doing her bidding, that she had some of the same tendencies as Larisa. Having a marginal knowledge of the language creates an interesting balance to where I'm intensely focused on what this 4 year old has to say, but I can also recognize some of the things that she is saying and why they don't fit contextually. Plus nostalgia kicked in, but it was like going back to your high school 5 years after you graduated and seeing people like the ones you remember doing the same things you did, but knowing that they are not those people. I fell in love, but it was a consolation to regain my memories. I tried to feed Larisa every day when she was losing weight rapidly. She would throw inconsolable fits that were foreign and intense. I read and sang to her. We had games and inside jokes (and really she still remembers). I'd fight her for toys that I knew she would destroy 20 minutes after I left and she would go nuclear. I watched her fall asleep with difficulty as she slowly let down her hyper-vigilance and steady flow of anxiety, closing her eyes slowly then quickly opening them like a monster in a horror movie coming back for one last scare. I stayed up at nights worried that she would never get her cast or the other surgeries she needed. I felt like she was mine. I loved her.

This girl was more even tempered and she made more sense. I almost wasn't sure if she was an orphan or not, but through time I got to understand her a little more. I'm going to be fighting some of the people in the group for the time with her. I don't need it; someone else deserves some of the feelings and learning experiences I had, however I can't help but feel selfish sometimes. It really consoled my loss of 2 really great kids I got to see every day for awhile, Florin and Marian. That hurt a lot for some reason. I like to anticipate where the hurt is going to come from and this caught me by surprise in the sense that I didn't know it was going to happen in the case of Marian (I showed up one day and he was gone) and I didn't anticipate not being able to see Florin again to affect me as much as it did. At least I got to give him the picture though. That gave me a sense of resolution. I suppose I have it easy in comparison with the children here, who may look forward to their brief time with one of us each day, and must unavoidably deal with that loss again and again. Or perhaps that part of them is also numb. I can help them feel happy today though.

A little footnote after reading this over... Sometimes I forget that they also have the rudimentary attributes of God in embryo and unlimited divine potential.

Watching Space Clear From a Taxicab

I woke one day to spinning foreign fields
A parallax of three panoramic plains
And why I thought next of what Ive collected in years,
I can't tell.

Whom I've chosen as my face
Where I've paused to drop sand from my only hour glass
To bitterly throw it in the eyes of those I make my enemies,
Which pieces I've used to mold my own wings.
And laughed nervous strains
while watching them crumble under shore breaks,
Like a child's castle dulls and erupts.

Then come powerlines.
And the front plane thickens.
And one tree becomes a smeared and massive screen.
And the warm cottages become cold blocks.
And the stories become laws.
And the words of a loving parent become religion.

That first plane thins to brief wisps and a sky is born.
And I see evidence of the work of centuries we learned.
Error, sacrifice, and adaptation.
Construction of life support, strength, and unity.
Duty and survival. Loyal support and love of man.
We find and share bread. We speak universes.

But behind these lie beauty man can only mock.
Essential, slow moving, and joy to discover daily.
Mountains unconcerned with the rising tides.
And complex and reciprocal union.
A sacred dance few take time to learn.
It is then I comprehend what kingdom I make my home.

The Words You Scribbled On The Wall, With The Loss of Friends You Didn't Have

I got tagged to do an internet survey-esque blog post. I haven't written anything substantial in a couple days and I'm down with the sickness at home so...

7 TV shows I like to watch:

1. Arrested Development. Me and people that don't think this show is funny tend to disagree on most other essential parts of life. There's always an applicable place to quote it. Pacing and interlocking stories is amazing. It's the first place I ever heard of a Spanish Novela. "What do you know about... Hermano?"
Also it pokes fun at your racist grandmother, your Uncle Bradford (or some other family member with the last name Bradford), ignorantly frivolous activism, mental health professionals, lawyers, the world's ridicule of family values, parental pressure to succeed, triangulation, the sick role, the conflict in Iraq, business meetings, prison, and the blue man group among other things. I could probably devote an entire blog to my love for this show...

2. The Office. Haven't gotten past season 2 and I catch glimpses of current episodes, well last year I did. I suppose I'm not a true fan per se, but I do think it's really funny and the romance thing was pretty well orchestrated. I just sometimes want to puke all over myself when Michael opens his mouth and that can make things difficult, but some lines are golden: "Fool me once, shame on me... Fool me twice, strike three."

3. House. It got a little formulaic for me, but I love the "I just don't give a F-" ness of his character. I liked the way they portrayed him as vulnerable, but before you could feel sorry for him he was too much of a douche. It made for a very dynamic character. I love the other doctors as well. Almost always very clever and the mystery got solved in a way that made you go OoOOooOooo. I sometimes wished House was in Buc with us when Dr. Brady left, but he probably would have made everybody want to punch him by the end.

4.  Quantum Leap?

5. Venture Brothers. Also very clever.

6. Robot Chicken (I know... but when you see the thundercats living in a trailer park, Optimus Prime giving public sevice announcements about prostate exams, and VH1's behind the music sadly explaining why they had to put animal from the muppets to sleep, you can't look away...)

7. Teenage Mutant Mormon Mermaids. Ask Rhett.

7 Things I did yesterday:

1. I went to the hospital early to catch Florin before he left. I gave him a laminated picture of us which is on the post here. It was really cool. And pretty sad, because I don't know if I'll see him again and it was like one of those times where you wonder if the afterlife is just something people have made up so they don't have to deal with meeting people and leaving them. But then I remembered that I surrendered to the spirit.

2. I went and paid bills with Mario. I love Mario. There was this one moment where she was telling me something important about the group right before we went inside to pay a bill and then I couldn't respond, because we were being quiet and then we walked out of the place and for like 10 minutes it was silent and I was like, I've been quiet, because I've been trying to remember what we were talking about and she was like me too I can't remember! Then we went to the post office and picked up 4 packages for the girls. Merry Christmas! We hurried so she could get to the church for Sfanta Parascheva.

3. I found out one of the Mickey rooms has Scabes. Including Alex. Mega-bummer.

4. I played in Mickey Mouse and got to sit with Irina out of her chair for awhile. She's way big now. I wasn't sure if she got excited and happy about my singing or if she was just wishing she had the motor capabilities to get away from it, but I think she had a good time.

4. I bought lamb and it was totally worth the smoke in my face.

5. Went to the hospital and one of the kids got in trouble, because he got on the lift without me. I taught a romanian guy 7 ways to say drink. He taught me a couple ways to say climb. I tried to figure out what he meant by kind of like a tree, but not when referring to a pillar. I schooled some fools at macaua.

6. I felt awesomeness effulgent.

7. I went to a concert and saw this guy and it was pretty funny. Just pretend when he says Bulgaria, he really said Romania and simplify the stage and take out the back up dancers, and you got my experience.

Also turbo d (it takes two to make a thing go right) was there. He did this beatbox thing and Rhett brought it to our attention that when he starts a beat it sounds like he's saying Papuci, which means slipper and also is one of the only words that Marian says. That was funny. Also I was like Voltaj called and they want their bridge back.


We also watched this fireworks display that lasted like a half an hour. Seriously one of the coolest fireworks shows I've ever seen. Then we got donuts and hung out some at the Scala pad. Fun day.

7 favorite places to eat?

1. Magic Pizza for a quick slice
2. Viorica's House
3. Mimi's Cafe
4. Guru's
5. The Cheesecake factory (Christmas Eve with the fam)
6. Las Tarascas
7. Happy Sumo

7 things I'm looking forward to

1. The next liter of visine
2. Graduation
3. Alex getting eagle eyes
4. Waking up for another day with the kids.
5. Christmas
6. Steph's mission call
7. Starting my career

7 things on my wishlist

1. To play in an epic post rock band.
2. Alex reading and writing letters n s-.
3. Get something published.
4. Better listening skills
5. Remembering where I put crap.
6. More patience
7. Remembering to ask the important questions

7 peeps I TAG

I've only seen 4 people comment on this and one is Rachel, and she tagged me. But I know some of you read this sometimes...

1. Holly
2. Rayna
3. Amber
4. Tyler
5. David
6. Dad
7. Alexis

I'm gonna miss Florin

I am.

Holy Crap!

Today was so fun with Alex! He's getting better everyday. I spent 2.5 hours with him, because Sfanta Parascheva smiled upon the children and allowed them to skip school. But I was schoolin' Alex teh whole time. That teh was actually an accident... I promise. We discovered the joys of boxing and the printing of nonesense phrases. The level of control he has with his head is improving already. He understands when the thing is working and when it isn't.

We played the color memory game too and he totally pwned this time. He's even getting better at holding the cursor at the smaller boxes. I'm going to make more adjustments to some of his boards, but it is an amazing joy to work with him. I'm not sure how to think about what happens when I leave or in several years. I wish we could do one of those Team Marius ventures with him except keep him in Romania, because he knows his shiz here anyway. And I don't think I can keep him, although that is a dream down deep somewhere that grows in the dark and doesn't get easily uprooted.

Getting Katie to Vienna Part 3

We stayed the night in the Mission home. This is where we got to know Sora Lundberg, Pres. Lundberg and their son Joshua. As mentioned before, Joshua was born in Barlad, Romania, and was adopted by the Lundbergs about 5 or 6 years ago at the age of 3. Sora Lundberg saw Josh and fell in love with him and devoted the next few years of her life to the adoption process. I have a soft spot in my heart for those who adopt children from these places, except Angelina Jolie, I don't know about her.

I have a lot of good painful memories about this mission home. It was really weird being back there again. I'd been there 3 years ago, because Dorothy was well liked by President Ashby and was finishing her mission tour and they let us stay there before Andrew and I took the train to Iasi. There is a lot of ambivalence there for me. I was really excited and stressed to go back and see Alex then and I was in the honeymoon stage of a new relationship with lots of longing absences and missing and you know all those romantic things that consume you and you look back later and wonder why. I'm in a good place now, but it was mildly difficult to be in those locations again if I didn't focus on the tasks at hand. It was a symbol of an important period, and that's all.

I spent most of my time there out of the apartment. I was looking for a place to charge my cell phone and it turns out they don't make a charger anymore. That quest went in several different directions and I thought of the triumph of finding the blasted thing, but that never came. I got used to the subway system though and I brought home shwarma. I felt like it was a pretty big deal to stay connected with the school, but I never found the charger.

The calls continued through thursday and Friday. Thursday morning, we went to Dr. Hanson's office, where Dr. Brady gave us a prescription for more drugs and a little more advice for Katie. We went straight back to the mission home and I went out looking for a pharmacy after failing to get the Wii to work for Katie. The rest of that day isn't important, except that I started calling some of our emergency contacts again. Also after a frivolous search, I wish I would have stayed with her.

Friday is when things got real. Katie started hurting really bad. The pain and fear(?) got to her a couple times and I couldn't do anything but be there with her. We called the doctors and they came down a couple hours later. I called home (Iasi) and had Mario make sure two students came down with our passports, some clothes, the charger and all of Katie's things just in case we had to go to Vienna, Austria. I'd heard stories about how things went in the past and so I also knew where we could end up. Also, the doctors were informative about the care she needed.

Katie had a fever of 101 and the pain was spreading up her thigh. I was running up and down the stairs getting information to call SOS, our medical relief program and various errands for the doctors. I called Ashley and Landes and her parents called us. There were at least 3 phone calls going at a time. I started understanding the reason they called our insurance company HTH highway to hell. The delays started there as well. They didn't want to evacuate her without the approval of an approved doctor who would have to see her at Floreasca. Katie was pretty upset about that and I was dreading going back there.

We drove on significantly less crowded streets to the hospital around 11:30. Dr. Brady and Dr. Hanson and I and Sora Lundberg all went and waited for her to be seen. Dr. Brady started talking to the Emergency admittance doctors and giving them the diagnosis. They informed him that she needed to stay in the hospital. This process took several minutes of waiting that seemed much longer. They eventually kicked everyone out except Katie and Dr. Brady. Then they kicked Dr. Brady out. Eventually they put her in a wheelchair and took her to get her chest x-rayed for any signs of the clot moving that direction. Lungs = death.

Dr. Brady convinced them to get her a private room, which after passing by the normal rooms where 10-15 people on beds were lying in pain in the dark, we realized was a blessing from heaven. One of those deep fried chicken tender mercies. With bbq sauce. And honey mustard.

This room looked like America. I don't know if that makes sense, but it did. And the nurses seemed more cooperative and the harshness dr. that followed us left. We spent awhile with Katie and figured out a plan for tomorrow. I think I was on the phone half the time. Dr. Brady would stay with her, while we went home and rested. He was flying home the next day after all and so he wouldn't be able to stay with her after 11:00AM, which would then be my turn.

Dr. Brady ensured her care would be better as he could spot the facade care vs. the necessary motions. They put an IV in her with saline water and gave her anti-inflammatories. I trusted her with Dr. Brady. He was smart, fiercely loyal, and defiant to the prevailing errors. I respect those things.

Katie is an amazing girl. She kept a level head through what most people would be freaking out about every 5 minutes. She kept her sense of humor and her faith. She took strength from the support of her family and fiance and the people around her. She even had fun.

I'll continue the last couple days in another post.

I Believe in Your Victory

Today I showed up tired and went to isolation. Rachel has the scabes and Katie is in Vienna de-coagulating. There is one girl that I love to see when I go in there especially. She smiles and melts me everytime. I wish I could post pictures. I just played with her for about 20 minutes or so and then hobbled into the main isolation room and started playing with another kid that I don't know. He was autistic and I just echoed the things that he was doing he smiled and we had fun.

Then enter Sera, while I continue to play with this kid. First commenting on my beard, then waiting a little bit watching me play with this kid. I'm like brother better watch himself. Then he's talking with one of the other workers and then he asks me if I'm mormon. And I was like, "No, I'm Robby. Nice to meet you though." Then he started asking me about various points of doctrine. Whether I believed Jesus would return to a holy land in America. And I'm like there's actually 3 places he's coming, but ya know whatever. He was not listening; he came to me to teach not to be taught. There's a difference between curiosity and logical manipulation through questions or the socratic method or like just generally being a jerk. He could use a little more teaching experience. If he was my greenie, I would have made him shine my shoes and go tracting in the white neighborhoods. Then he went on to ridicule several other points of doctrine and I was like, "Dude what is your point right now? What are you trying to say? You seem upset. Or at least very passionate about something. Can we talk about this later, like maybe outside of work?" And he was like, "I care about your soul." And I was just thinking, if you care about my soul you'll stfu and stop trying to attack my core belief system. I know that we all need a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I believe in the bible. I have first hand experience with feeling the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ, so it was just like listening to my mom nagging me to do my homework. Then Mario came in while he was still going and I was like, "Thanks Mario, this guy keeps trying to convert me to pentacostalism." This man doesn't seem to believe what is being taught. That's how I be receiving your teachings, Mr. Sera. Not professional. You don't see me in the mickey mouse room busting out like,

"Listen Larisa, most people believe in a supreme being even though they may call Him by different names. We know that God lives and we want to share with you our feelings about Him. God is perfect. He is all wise and all powerful. He is also merciful kind and just. We know that we can have faith in Him. We can love Him with all our hearts."

And boy he got his mission accomplished, because I was just thinking, like I don't know how y'all do it Romania, but where I reside you can get canned for pulling that kind of stuff at work. But you know some people have calls and I'm pretty sure his was to tell me to shave on my way to hell.

But yeah I'll need to repent for being angry at him pretty soon and maybe something good will happen if I keep my head up or whatever. I realize in conversations I have trivialized my beliefs in some ways for humor's sake and to deflect criticism, but I'm going to say this once. The things I believe are true and very dear to me. Lifesaving in fact. And I don't enjoy defending the truth when I don't have to. That's something I work through. Leave it alone. We all die. And truth will swallow all of us, whether we hang by the tonsils kicking and screaming or dive headfirst down the esophagus. Anyways part of this is the self preserving Dinosaur brain that we all switch on every once in awhile.

I'd rather talk about Alex though. Today I tried out some boards with him that I've been working on to teach weather and time. Mario watched us work and she seemed very impressed with Alex and his ability. I had been worried about whether I made a mistake and he should just use a switch, but I also have prayed about it and it seems like this solution is better for now. I was surprised by how accurate his head motions were this time. He also answered more complex questions instead of just pointing where I wanted him to. It was so fun to watch him get the right answers. I'd ask him stuff like what goes on your head? And he would point to the hat. What do you wear when it's a little cold outside and he'd point to the jacket. Then we did this thing where he can make little sentences with symbols and then spell them out. He made this really long thing that didn't make sense but we just started laughing when the computer started saying it. Something like Robby joaca Alex Puzzle Alex Puzzle Puzzle peste Afara Camera Lumina or Robby plays alex puzzle Alex puzzle puzzle fish, outside, light room. Then he found a way to print what he wrote by putting the cursor over a certain button. We watched it print and I was like, "Dude what did you do? Look what you did!" And then when I pulled it out and read it for him and he recognized it he just started going crazy with laughter and happy. It was like probably the most I've seen him ever get excited. I just started laughing and cheering and yelling bravo look what you did. Cristina, one of the psychologists came in and we showed it to her and she started laughing a little too. Everyone is amazed by what he can do. Viorica, one of the workers who has been known to be pretty rough with the kids, came in and watched him do it. She was like, "How is he doing that? How does it work?" And I explained and showed her how he could get around all these boards. She was surprised and started asking him questions too and she saw him answer them as well. As I've written in a paper I'll probably post on here in a little bit, part of the purpose of my work with him is to open the eyes of those around him to his capabilities. Today has given me a little more motivation to continue working on this project. It made me so incredibly happy. I love him so much. And it made me feel clean and beautiful, as I have heard the terms used.

Getting Katie to Vienna Pt 2

Joseph Smith said something about starting right that I can't exactly remember. That was our big problem at Floreasca. I think we went in the wrong entrance and were looking for the wrong place. Find the Ecografie room and ask for an ecografie dopler. Easy enough right? We walked in and followed the sign to a dead end hallway and they all said it was closed. So we made our way to the emergency room. We stood outside for a minute and then realized we just need to walk in. A lady told us to go to the place that we had just gotten back from. I told her we were already there. She walked down with us to make sure and see if someone would let us in. She joked a little about Katie's limp and kind of urged her to go faster. We didn't really think it was funny. There was no one there. This person told us to go back to the Emergency room. So we did. They told us to get paperwork, so we did. They checked her vital signs and drew blood. I asked if they were doing a PTINR. They said no. I stabbed a bit with broken romanian but then I let them go ahead. They took the blood. They made an attempt at bedside manner. Smile, I said to Katie as they drew the needle, the nurse and I chuckled a little to ease the tension and then I translated. "Look, american blood!" the nurse mused to her colleagues. I told her to be careful, because it was precious. She probably thought I meant expensive though (it's the same word). If I would have done it again I would have said, "Hey look, it's red! What color is yours?" But I'm neither Ghandi nor Martin Luther King. I was also beginning to feel the angry guard dog emerge from me. That probably doesn't seem like me too often, but you don't eff with my interns... They are ineffable.

Eventually we got pointed to the radar... er ultrasound. I had to wait outside, but they spoke english so I felt a little better about her going with them. I sat for a minute and answered a few calls. There were phone calls going on between all of these events between me and either 1) Matt Brady, our doctor/vindicator of medical justice, 2) Sora Lundberg, our surrogate mother, and 3) Katie's real mother or father, duly distressed. I also started noticing the people around me. This is a difficult one for me to venture towards, because I can trivialize our experience or theirs. Ours is a shock, because it was deathly serious and the care was not particularly trustworthy (we were warned of this by Dr. Brady, and it was confirmed through some of our experience). The hard stuff to see on their side was the fact that if they didn't have money some things they needed would never be done. This was the best hospital in the entire city. Beyond reruns of ER and scrubs, this is the best they got. It was a hospital, but for some reason seemed a little more grave. Back to me: I came to a realization on a call with Dr. Hanson that there was pretty much no chance that we would make our train back. I was OK with that. I guess that's when we were introduced to Sora Lundberg (Sora means sister; she's the mission president's wife here).

She seemed a little overwhelmed by our request for some help finding a place to stay for a few days. I would find out later that their car was broken into a couple days before and that they frequently had missionaries in and out for health problems. Sora Lundberg is an amazing woman. She had been to Romania about 25 times for a couple days or weeks each time in the process of adopting their son Joshua (formerly Marian) from Barlad. It took 3 years and the starting of an NGO to place him in their family. Her NGO is called Bridge of Love. I recognized the organization, which was fun, I think I e-mailed her for help with Alex a couple years ago. Her story is incredible and she understood the pain and joy of loving these kids, which was a breath of fresh air for me.

We got the results from her test and this is where things began to change. I read the concluzie. I didn't need to be fluent in romanian or have a medical license to see that it said she had a big problem by the words intinsiv and thrombo in there. Well I had a doctor help me with that one before. We called Doctor Brady and he told us to go get the perscription filled. We would have gotten away too, but we thought we had to pay. We showed the results to the nurses. Everyone stopped joking around after that. They looked over it and told her to go to the emergency room emergency room across from the room we were in (the check you out and stuff emergency room). She got pulled into the room and it seemed like nobody really knew what to do with her, which kind of set me into let's get the f out of here mode. They eventually put her on a stretcher in a spot in the room and I was like showing people the prescription and I was like OK so are you going to give her this and they were like no, we don't have it. I told them we can go to the pharmacie and buy it and give it to her and that we don't need the hospital. They didn't really listen too hard. Then I was concerned, because the beuracracy smell was coming through. I stood next to her as one of the doctors asked her questions and then he told me I had to go sit beyond a curtain away from them. I couldn't hear, but I kept looking and Katie's body language and voice tone implied that she was resisting which relieved me. I don't know why, but the entire experience was comparable to being arrested and detained for several nights, although let's not get ahead of ourselves. When finally, after sitting for awhile and anxiety building sufficiently I lost my patience, I started making some noise. I didn't see that doctor which was good because then I wasn't worried at all about offending him. I started saying "Nu vrem sa asteptam, vrem- sa- PLECAM!" as if I was talking to a disobedient 5 year old (which is the demographic I'm most comfortable speaking to in romanian). Oh yeah that means, "We don't want to wait, we want- to- LEAVE!"

The doctor got defensive at that point and said OK, she has a blood clot, every step she takes puts her at risk for the clot to break off and move into her lung (close but also bad diagnosis #2). We need to keep her here; she could die. This is nothing to smile about. This is nothing to laugh about. This is nothing to shout about (which he said as he looked at me). We were in the process of signing a paper in which we were instructed to write: I understand the risks of leaving this hospital. Doctors kept telling her more things to write afterwards which she scrawled quickly and haphazardly as additions and afterthoughts. Of my own will. Including the risk of death. "Any thing else?" we asked. This may have been where the laughing and smiling lecture came in, "Who was laughing when she led us to the radar and took her Sangele Americane?" I thought, but held my tongue. Then we left.

We asked some nurses where to pay. They told us it was free. We figured it was probably because they thought we were crazy for leaving the hospital. We walked to the Pharmacie. I kept hearing, "break off into the lung," in my head and saw a 3D animation from an episode of HOUSE. Too much walking. We went to 3 pharmacies before we found the medicine we needed. We took a half hour taxi back to the clinic.

I felt like we just outran the cops. I can't really emphasize enough how difficult it seemed to get in, get what we needed done and get out of there. We'll come back to the hospital in a later post though.

Katie got a crash course in the administration of the Romanian version of Lovenox, a blood thinner. Dr. Brady sobered us a little bit with the gravity of the situation. We were aware of the gravity, but sometimes we have to keep the laughing going. Sometimes I think we take pictures and document things to distance ourselves from the reality of the situation, by becoming spectators in our own lives. I'm starting to get epic thoughts like a stoner so it's probably getting late. We'll come back to this one.

Florin and me this year

Getting Katie to Vienna part 1

It's been a stressful couple days. We didn't really take things seriously until we got here and it's been a difficult process. I got to be a real facilitator for a couple days I guess.

Katie's been complaining about her leg for awhile now. I feel bad that I haven't been more understanding in the past couple weeks; that I hadn't probed more. It took her parents calling me to realize that it was serious. On a leisurely walk to the orphanage is when things started for me. I guess it's been going for awhile for her with pain that no one besides Jesus really knows. Her mom called and told me to get her some medical attention, because there was talk from her doctor that she may have a blood clot. I came in to language a little late and asked Mario to see what I should do first to get medical examinations. She told me I should bring her in to see Dr. Pantezescu, the resident doctor at the orphanage. Dr. Pantezescu had Sera, the physical therapist look at her and he began giving her a massage which only made her hurt worse. He prescribed some lotion and aspirin (bad diagnosis #1). I spoke with Mario briefly and she seemed confident that it was nothing to worry about. Katie on the other hand was emotionally and physically hanging by a nerve. She tries to put on a happy face as much as possible, but every once in awhile she let out what was really going on. I think she was mostly frustrated that no one took it as seriously as it really was. After I sent her home in a taxi, I decided to go back and talk to Dr. Pantezescu. She didn't understand what I was trying to ask her about some medication Katie hadn't told me about until after we were outside. I remembered another Holly-ism or maybe Ashley said it, but I could hear someone's wiser than me voice say something to the effect of, "Cultural sensitivity is fine, but don't worry about stepping on people's toes when your personal safety or health is concerned." I was skeptical that it was a blood clot and I was easily appeased by the naysayers. We planned a trip to Bucuresti though. I went and bought train tickets and we were on a train by 5:30 the next morning with 7 hours planned before our return trip. Plenty of time I thought for the tests to come back negative and for us to get some medication or at least reassurance and come home.

Some of the time was an adventure. Some was mundane. Some was just waiting. Some was us laughing to make the situation seem less than too real.

We got in at 11:30 and I made her get shwarma, because I thought she was hungry and might really enjoy it (because it's like heaven in a burrito), but I think it just made her mad, because we had to walk a bit and it hurt her a lot to walk. Like she had a friggin' bloodclot, man! If she's reading this, I'm really sorry about that.

We took a taxi to Dr. Hansen's clinic in Sector 5 I think it was could be wrong. It was a long taxi ride (close to a half hour). They had a hard time finding the place. We saw a bunch of clinics on the side of the road that were built into old blocks. We thought it was most likely one of those. The taxi driver was pretty much ready to drop us off anywhere considering his job mostly done having gotten us into the general vicinity. We finally saw a little gated side street amongst some dirty auto shops and across the street from a couple clinics. When we pulled in and saw this...

...I was pretty sure we were in the right place.

A Dr. Brady who was finishing his residency at Iowa state and who once served a mission out here (96-98) was working as an intern with Dr. Hanson. He was young, tough, and well trained in modern medicine. He was an angel while we were crying frightened, river, dark, drowning.

He did some blood tests, but with a visual feeling and questioning, he said something to the effect of, "My money's on a clot." But to make sure we went to Floreasca to get an ultrasound (which was the main reason we were in Bucuresti). He also sent us with a prescription for just in case things came out positive.

The quest for an ultrasound is another story completely and so I'll separate these and continue typing the story in another post.